Negotiating with Numbers: An Actuary's Strategic Guide

Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes

Recently, I read Never Split the Difference: Negotiate as If Your Life Depended on It by Chris Voss — and it genuinely changed my life.

I didn’t just read it once — I read it multiple times, and each time, I picked up new insights. More importantly, I began applying its principles in my daily life, even for small, everyday negotiations.
Now, whenever I face a negotiation — whether at work, at home, or anywhere else — I find myself asking ChatGPT:
"Here’s the situation. Based on Never Split the Difference, what tactics should I use?"

That’s how powerful and practical the ideas in this book are.
I highly recommend every actuary (and really, everyone) to not just read it, but actively apply its principles, even in minor negotiations. The skills you build compound quickly — and the impact is extraordinary.

In this article, I’ll walk you through some of the key negotiation lessons from Never Split the Difference — tailored specifically for actuaries — and show you how mastering negotiation can become one of your greatest career and life advantages.

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To Split or Not to Split the Difference

One of the most impactful books on negotiation — Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss and Tahl Raz — offers many lessons especially relevant for actuaries. Here are some key takeaways:

1. Negotiation is Emotional, Not Just Logical

As data-driven professionals, actuaries often approach discussions with facts, forecasts, and logic. But negotiation, Voss emphasizes, is fundamentally emotional. Recognizing and addressing emotions — through empathy, active listening, and tactical tone-setting — is crucial.
For example, in stress testing discussions with executives, many leaders instinctively resist worst-case scenario thinking because it feels pessimistic or counterproductive.
One CEO even commented: “We’re so used to stress; no amount of stress testing can scare us.” Instead of leading with risk-heavy language, it’s more effective to set the tone by explaining:
"We're not predicting doom. We’re identifying early warning signs so we can act swiftly and confidently — and avoid real stress later."
This emotional reframing preserves optimism while advancing the analytical agenda.

2. Tactical Empathy and Active Listening

“Tactical empathy” — intentionally acknowledging the other party’s feelings and perspective — lowers resistance and fosters collaboration. Before presenting findings to management or regulators, actively listen to their concerns.
Reflect back their viewpoints to show understanding:
"It seems you're concerned about the uncertainty around these loss projections." When people feel heard, they’re far more willing to engage and compromise.

3. The Power of Calibrated (Open-Ended) Questions

Voss teaches the power of asking open-ended, calibrated questions that guide discussions without confrontation.

Examples include:

• “How am I supposed to meet this deadline with these data limitations?”

• “What about this assumption is most important to you?”

• “How can we reach a solution that works for both of us?”

In negotiations with auditors, reinsurers, or underwriters, calibrated questions reveal hidden priorities — often unlocking solutions more favorable to the actuary’s objectives.

4. Anchoring and Strategic Use of Numbers

Instead of immediately offering a middle-ground figure, successful negotiators set the anchor.

For actuaries proposing reserve estimates, pricing assumptions, or capital requirements, this means confidently presenting well-supported but strategically favorable numbers first — not the compromise position.
A strong anchor frames the discussion and gives you room to maneuver without compromising your analytical integrity.

5. Recognizing Negotiation Styles

Voss identifies three main negotiator archetypes:

• Analysts (data-driven and detail-oriented — common among actuaries)

• Assertives (decisive, action-focused — often executives or sales leaders)

• Accommodators (relationship-focused — often HR, legal, or compliance partners)

Success depends on recognizing the counterpart’s style and adjusting your communication approach accordingly.

For instance, when dealing with an assertive executive, be concise, confident, and solution focused. With accommodators, invest extra time in building rapport before diving into technical details.

Additional Tools and Insights

• Embrace "No":
  Getting an early “no” can be positive. It clarifies concerns and surfaces hidden objections. Instead of fearing rejection, treat it as a doorway to deeper understanding.

• Use Mirroring and Labeling:
  Repeat key phrases to encourage elaboration (mirroring) and name emotions explicitly (labeling):
  "It sounds like you’re worried about regulatory scrutiny."
  These simple techniques make conversations more productive and reduce defensiveness.

• Leverage Silence:
  After making an important point, resist the urge to immediately fill the silence.
  Silence creates space for others to think — and often compels them to offer concessions or additional information.

• Prepare for Black Swans:
  Thorough preparation includes identifying hidden variables — regulatory shifts, internal politics, market changes — that could influence outcomes.
  Anticipating "Black Swans" strengthens your adaptability during negotiations.

• Aim for a “That’s Right” Moment:
  Instead of chasing superficial agreement, summarize the other side’s concerns so accurately that they respond: “That’s right.”
  That moment signals real alignment — far more powerful than polite nods.

Limitations of Negotiation

Negotiation is a powerful tool — but overuse or misuse can backfire.

Winning the negotiation but losing the relationship is a hollow victory.
Consider these examples:

• Salary Negotiations:
  If a company pushes too hard to limit salary increases, top talent may leave — costing far more in replacement, training, and lost productivity.

• Claims Management:
  Insurance claimants are already vulnerable. Nitpicking over fine print or creating hurdles damages trust in the brand.
  Negotiation must balance organizational interests with fairness, empathy, and respect for human dignity.

Moreover, while companies aim to maximize profits in theory, in practice they pursue profit satisficing — achieving sufficient profits while meeting obligations to employees, customers, regulators, and society.
Treating every interaction as purely transactional damages the broader ecosystem a business depends on.

Conclusion

Negotiation is not just for salespeople or executives — it’s a critical skill for actuaries too.

Here’s a practical, actionable summary you can apply immediately:

• Prepare Deeply:
  Understand not only your data, but also the emotions, incentives, and hidden pressures involved (potential Black Swans).

• Lead with Tactical Empathy:
  Acknowledge the other side’s emotions and perspectives before pushing your own agenda. Listen deeply and label their concerns.

• Ask Calibrated Questions:
  Use open-ended questions like “How can we address your concerns?” to draw out valuable information and solutions.

• Anchor Strategically:
  Set expectations with strong, defensible starting points rather than immediately meeting in the middle.

• Recognize Negotiation Styles:
  Adapt your communication based on whether you’re dealing with an Analyst, Assertive, or Accommodator.

• Use Silence Powerfully:
  After making key points, allow silence to work in your favor. It invites the other side to reflect or reveal more.

• Aim for the “That’s Right” Moment:
  Summarize the other party’s concerns so accurately that they say, “That’s right.” That’s the true sign of alignment.

• Think Beyond Winning:
  Don’t just aim to "win" each negotiation. Focus on building trust, maintaining long-term relationships, and balancing profit with stakeholder satisfaction.

By mastering these techniques, actuaries can negotiate more effectively — not just over fees and deadlines, but in every interaction where trust, influence, and collaboration matter.

With time and conscious practice, negotiation can become one of your most powerful tools for professional success — and personal growth.